


Back to Forks

by writtenintheclouds



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Twilight References, Twilight Series Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26287567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenintheclouds/pseuds/writtenintheclouds
Summary: Renée has died from cancer and Bella is now going back to Forks to be with her father. Bella is not coping well with the loss of her mother and decides it is all too much for her. Alice just so happens to see a vision of Bella deciding to end her life, and knows she cannot let this happen. As Alice fights to keep Bella alive, Bella develops a deep friendship with her and becomes intrigued by the Cullen family. Once Edward realizes he cannot read Bella's mind, he becomes intrigued by her as well.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Twilight rewrite that originally started out on tumblr (written-inthe-clouds) and I moved it here so it is easier to read. Basically, its how I would have written Twilight. Bella actually has a solid relationship with the other Cullens, she and Edward aren't full on obsessed with each other right off the bat, and other small things!

I knew my life was going to change, but I had no idea the extent. After a year of watching her slowly wither away, becoming someone I did not recognize, my mother was gone. She lived longer than the doctors had suspected, crediting her “fighter’s spirit” but honestly, I felt as though my hushed begging by her side at night may have prolonged her suffering. I wasn’t ready for my mother to die. I was only 17, and cancer was treatable. But, if I have learned one thing this past year, it is that life doesn’t follow any path. There is no reason behind it. Things just happen, and we just have to hold on. 

Charlie had visited a few times since we had gotten the news. His love for her had never faded through the years, but he also wasn’t the type to sit around and wait for her to die. I suppose he didn’t see the point in putting himself through that. If only I had been able to step away. Maybe it would have been easier. But no. I hardly left her side. My teachers were nice enough to bring my work to me, and I never fell behind. I just knew that if I wasn’t there for her at the end, I’d never forgive myself. 

That was over. She was gone, and I was off to my life sentence in Forks. I told myself that this would be a good thing. A fresh start was better than staying in Phoenix, where everyone would look at me with pity for months making me feel worse than before. I knew the people of Forks would undoubtedly know why I had returned, but I figured I’d at least get to miss out on people bombarding me with the fond memories they held of my mother since she had only lasted in Forks for a few months. I’d miss the sun and the heat, but it felt fitting to leave that all behind now that she was gone. Better to pretend she took the sun with her. 

The rain was coming down in a steady stream when I landed in Port Angeles. This was it. This was my new normal. I had expected it, but it hit be harder than I thought it would. It was like the final nail in my coffin. Charlie greeted me with his usual smile. His lips pressed together in a hard line with each corner slightly curved as he raised one hand, giving me a half wave. 

“It’s good to see you, Bells.” he said, putting an arm around me and squeezing me tight from the side. He had come to Mom’s funeral, but I had insisted on staying behind a while longer to pack. I knew I needed time to grieve on my own. He took my duffle bag and loaded it in the back of his cruiser. Ah yes. My father, Chief of police. The last thing I needed was another reason for people to stare at me. I’d originally planned to drive Mom’s car up, but Charlie insisted that he’d get a service to do it for me. But when the car company informed me how behind on payments Mom had been, that became irrelevant. It just seemed easier to let the car go. I’d have to figure out how to get a car fast, though. The cruiser was not an option. 

“Missed you, Dad.” I said as I threw my backpack in the trunk. Calling him Charlie was something I had done to make sure Mom didn’t feel like I needed anyone but her, but now, I really needed my dad. We both stood behind the car for a moment in awkward silence before he opened my door for me motioning for me to sit. The journey back to Forks was pretty quiet. I could feel him wanting to ask how I was, but neither of us did well in the feelings department. I knew he cared, and that was enough for me. I didn’t really feel like talking about it all anyway. 

The trees seemed to grow taller and greener the closer we got to Forks. Every surface had a layer of dew that never left, and the chilly air sunk to the bone of every passerby. Seemed fitting for my life sentence. A chilly, wet, green alien planet to live out the rest of my days. Devoid of sun and happiness that I had known in Arizona. Seemed fitting. 

“Uh, about the car situation,” Charlie’s gruff voice broke through the silence. “It’s too bad about Renee’s car, but uh, I got you covered.” 

“What do you mean by covered?” I tried not to let the dread I felt in my stomach color my tone too much. He didn’t mean covered as in rides in the cruiser, did he? He had to know I’d rather walk. 

“Billy-- Billy Black you remember him right? My fishing buddy. Well, he’s in a wheelchair now and doesn’t need his old truck, so I got it for you.” he seemed rather proud of himself for providing me with a car. He was fulfilling his promise to Mom to take care of me. 

“Yeah I kind of remember him. What kind of truck is it?” the name was vaguely familiar to me, but Charlie had stopped fishing during my visits early on, so it was hard to put a face with the name. 

“Oh uh it’s a Chevy. Probably about a...” his voice trailed off like he was debating on telling me the real year the car was made. I suddenly saw myself actually having to walk thanks to my ancient truck. I glanced over at him, flashing him a patient, waiting look. He let out a puff of air before quickly rattling off, “It is from the early 60’s but Billy works on cars with his boy Jacob and they are damn good too. It runs like a dream and won't give you any trouble, I’m sure of it.”

“Thanks Dad.” I said, not wanting to seem ungrateful. A car was a car, as long as it ran.

When we reached the house, I felt a twinge of pain in my heart.  _ Nothing _ had changed. Even on the inside. It was like she never left, despite the fact that it had been years since Mom had stepped inside the town border. Besides the addition of my school pictures and a flat screen tv, time stopped in this house. The pain was oddly comforting. Almost like a reminder that I wasn’t the only one missing her. 

My new truck sat in the driveway. It was a faded orange rust color, but all I could think is that it seemed perfect for me. It was sturdy enough so that it could withstand a crash, and it wasn’t like there were many places to drive around here. Although, the thought of trying to get to Seattle or anyplace actually worth going was a little frightening. 

“I cleared a shelf off in the bathroom for you.” Charlie said as he led me up the stairs to my bedroom. Great. Sharing a bathroom with my father would be extra fun. Nothing says “Hey Dad I’m not a kid anymore” like me having to store my tampons near the extra soap under the sink. I think I’ll opt out of that one and hide them in my room. 

“The sales lady picked out the comforter. You like purple right?” his voice sounded doubtful. I didn’t particularly care for the color, but I didn’t hold any strong feelings of hatred either, so it worked I guess. 

“Yeah Dad. It's great. Thanks.” I responded as I tried to assess the room. It was small, but fit a desk in it comfortably. That was really it. A bed and a desk. I guess that’s really all I needed. He set down my larger bag near the closet and I placed my backpack on my bed. Charlie gave me another classic Chief Swan smile before heading back down stairs. In a way, we were perfectly suited to live together. Neither one of us felt the need to fill every silence or hover over the other person. We did our own things. 

I unpacked a few things before ultimately giving up and crawling into bed at the late hour of 8:30 pm. It had been a long day, and with my first day at a new school tomorrow, I doubted my mind would let me get much sleep anyway. Might as well try now. 

My first night was a restless one. I had too many thoughts racing through my mind and the sound of rain hitting the windows seemed to get louder as the night drew on. Around 6 am, I decided to stop fighting and start my day. I grabbed a few things and headed to the bathroom to shower. It was nice to feel warm again. I turned the water as hot as it would let me and just stood under the stream. I tried to clear my mind and just focus on the feeling of warmth as it spread through every nerve in my body. _This is fine. You’re going to be fine. It’s just a school, and they are just normal kids. They don’t bite._ I thought to myself. I repeated this mantra as I got ready, pulling on some dark jeans and a long sleeved, green shirt. I knew whatever I wore would inevitably be covered up by a rain jacket all day, so I didn’t put a lot of thought into it. Running a brush through my hair and putting on a little makeup to hide my lack of sleep, I repeated my mantra.

Too nervous to eat, I climbed into my car. It was lightly raining out, so the warmth of the cab was comforting. The sound that erupted from it when I turned the key was startling, but I didn't expect much else from a truck this age. The drive to school was easy, considering it was the only highschool in the area. I parked near the front office, grabbed my schedule from a woman who cheerfully asked if I was “Isabella Swan.” I had a feeling most of my first day would be correcting that sliver of information that I’m guessing Charlie had supplied some people with. 

I set out to find my first class - English in building 3. The map was pretty clear, and I had tried my best to memorize it before setting out for the day. When I entered the red brick classroom, a few heads turned in my direction, and I could hear faint whispers about  _ Isabella the Chief’s daughter  _ and my heart sank. I just wanted to get through this day. 

**note from the author - hey guys so I’m going to fast forward a little here - I don’t want to get caught up in the drudgery of writing out how she meets each of her human friends bc we  _ all know  _ that’s not why we are here. She meets them all like in the book, but the boys aren’t clearly obsessed with her. Everyone is nice, but like nice a normal amount**

My last class of the day was gym, which seemed like the perfect crappy end to a relatively crappy day. Everyone was perfectly nice, but every time the words “actually it’s Bella” or “the rain isn’t too bad” or “thanks, I’m just glad I got the time I did with her” came out of my mouth, a little more of me died. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I just wanted to go somewhere no one could find me. I tried hard to choke back my tears, but it was useless. I was sitting in a bathroom stall, giving myself the worst peptalk of all time, thinking about how much I wanted all of this to end. My whole body was shaking, trying to cry as quietly as I could. The only thing that could make this worse would be someone finding me. 

“Hello?” a soft voice called out. Great. Of course there was someone in here to witness my first breakdown of what I was sure would be many inside the school walls. There was a slight knock on the stall. “Are you okay?” the voice pleaded. I took in a deep breath, not really sure how to answer that. Was I okay? Well, my mother was dead, the sun was gone, I didn’t know how to talk to my dad, I’d never been good at making friends and now I was the new girl with the dead mom who didn’t really say much, and I was crying in the bathroom. Sure. I was okay. 

“Uh, yeah. Just a bad day.” I reluctantly answered, hoping the voice would be satisfied and leave me alone. 

“Do you want to talk about it? I’ve been told I’m a great listener.” the voice persisted. What did she want? Could she seriously not tell I was crying alone for a reason. I debated just not answering, but there was something in the mystery girl’s voice that made me want to open the door. She seemed to be legitimately concerned with how I was, so stubbornly staying inside the stall seemed dumb. I unlocked the door, and slowly opened it, half heartedly hoping the owner of the sweet voice was gone. But there she stood. She flashed a soft, comforting smile from her thin lips. Their deep red stood out against her pale skin, which also made her strange yellow-brown eyes one of the first things you noticed about her. She was a tiny brunette with short hair that flew off it every direction. Her frame was petite, and she was so thin she almost looked like a child who hadn’t fully grown into themself yet. She stretched out a small hand, offering a tissue. I let an embarrassed laugh out and accepted with a timid smile. As I opened the door to the stall more, deciding staying inside would be pretty useless at that point since I had acquired an audience. I now realized my audience was not just the small brunette, but also a blonde. She was strikingly beautiful with the same odd colored eyes, but lightly tanned skin and a tall, fit build. She seemed effortlessly beautiful and immediately intimidated me. That could have also had something to do with the less than pleased look she had on her face. It seemed as thought she would have had no issue leaving me in the stall to cry. 

“I’m Alice, and this is Rosalie.” the brunette said, breaking the silence I had created between the three of us. 

“I’m Bella. Sorry, it’s my first day and it’s just been a little much.” I felt the need to explain my crying, but they undoubtedly knew it was my first day. I don’t even know when the last time was when someone transferred to Forks high school. 

“No worries! I completely understand. We moved here about 3 years ago, and it took awhile before we felt really at home here.” well I guess that answers my question. 

“Alice, we are going to be late. The bell is about to ring.” Rosalie seemed more unhappy with this interaction than I was. At least Alice seemed nice. She shot a disapproving look at Rosalie before turning back to me. 

“I hope your day gets better! I know how hard starting over can be. You know what, let me give you my number. I'll put it in your phone,” she said with an outstretched hand. I was taken back by her boldness, but this whole interaction was completely out of my comfort zone, yet seemed second nature to her. I unlocked my phone and handed it over. “and if you ever need a study buddy or maybe just a shoulder to cry on, don’t hesitate to reach out!” something in her eyes made me feel like she genuinely ment that too. Before I could answer, she and Rosalie were walking out of the bathroom. Leaving me in a confused, slightly less depressed state. 

\------- 

Alice’s POV

The whole school was buzzing with the news. The police Chief’s daughter, Isabella Swan had come home after the loss of her mother. It seemed to be the only good thing to talk about for the last week, so I caught onto a few different pieces of information. No one really seemed to know her well, not from what I heard. I got the clue that they really didn’t know her after, on the day she came to school, I began hearing people refer to her as Bella, not Isabella. 

I caught a glance of her while walking through the halls during the day. She walked by chatting with Jessica Stanley, holding onto some books. Her dark brown hair was tucked behind her ears, and she had on fairly simple clothes. She was average height and weight, but there was something about her that caught my eye. A gloom about her that made me pause. It was for just a moment, but it was just long enough. That’s when I saw it. A glimpse into Bella’s future. 

It came like they always do, in short flashes of time. Small snippets of different moments with small clues as to when they might be. These were all deeply upsetting. All I saw were flashes of Bella eating further and further from people each day, sitting at home at her computer screen, and finally, her laying in her bed next to a bottle of empty pills. My heart dropped. That poor girl was going to kill herself. I wasn’t sure when, but I knew I had to stop her. 

I tried to figure out a way to “run into her” at some point. I needed a way to introduce myself and try to give her a reason to live. Not that my friendship was life saving, but maybe she just needed one person to make her not feel so alone. 

Towards the end of the day, I got my chance. Rose and I were walking by the bathroom when I heard her crying. I went to open the door when Rose grabbed my hand. I had told her of my plan earlier, and she didn’t seem to think it was the best idea. 

“Alice please. You can’t save that girl. You can’t be the friend she needs. You’re risking the safety of the whole family.”  “What is the point of my gift if I don’t use it? What is the point of our immortality if _we don’t use it for what’s right?”_ her face lightened. She knew I was right. Rosalie just worried for us all. We liked Forks, and no one wanted to leave sooner than needed, but I knew I had to save Bella. She needed me.

Bella’s POV

The days all seemed to blur together. I felt slightly more optimistic about school, now that I knew what to expect, but the days still left me feeling drained. I sat with the group I had met my first day, but everyone was always involved in their own conversations, making me feel like the odd man out. I talked with Jessica and Angela here and there. Mike would talk to be in Biology and gym, but it felt like everyone’s lives were going at a different pace than mine. I was stuck on slow mode, while everyone raced past me. They were all excited for a dance in a few weeks, meanwhile I was just trying to keep my head above water. 

I occupied myself with school and reading as much as I could, but once I got to the point where I was all caught up, and I couldn’t land on what book to reread next, I decided I’d write. I sat down in front of the outdated desktop Charlie had given me, waiting for it to power on. I sat there for a moment, debating if this was something I really wanted to do. A therapist I had seen briefly before my mom died said it could be good for me to write everything down, but I don’t think this is what she meant. 

**Hey Mom,**

**I can’t believe I just wrote that. I promised myself… I promised you I wouldn’t do this. That I’d live my life and be happy. And I’ve tried, Mom. I really have. But…. I miss you. I wish I could hear your voice. I wish you were here. Charlie is trying, he really is. And everyone is nice at school. But, I feel so lost without you.**

My fingers hovered over the keys. I wasn’t sure how to type it out. How to tell her, even though she wasn’t really there. But I knew. I knew if I typed it out, I’d back out. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted out. I needed out. Before I could think anymore, I felt my legs shoot up from under me. I walked around the room in a panic. I wasn’t sure how to do this. I knew I didn’t want to leave a note, I’d simply talk myself out of it. I resolved to just leave the email I’d written up, so that Charlie would understand. 

I hadn’t put much thought into how I’d do it. I had a razor with removable blades, but I was pretty sure I was too weak to cause real damage. There was no gun in the house that I knew of without Charlie home. The window wasn’t high enough. I had taken some of Mom’s pain pills, debating this right after she had died. That seemed like the best option. To just drift off to a never ending sleep. That seemed peaceful. And maybe I would get to see her again. Whatever happened, it had to be better than what was happening here. 

I just about jumped out of my skin as someone loudly knocked at my door. I debated not answering, still searching for the pills, but suddenly my phone began to ring. It was Alice, the girl I had met in the bathroom on my first day. We hadn’t spoken since, though she had waved to me at school and tried to approach me a few times, but I always managed to be “running late” to something. She had seemed nice, but I wasn’t looking for a friend. 

“Hello?” my voice sounded weak. Weaker than I had wanted, hoping not to give her a reason to keep me from my plan.

“Hey, Bella! So, I know this is odd, and you’re probably busy, but I have been working on this paper for my English class for days, and I just can't seem to get it right. I heard some buzz around school that you already took the English I am in, and I was wondering if you could help me out? I’m outside your door actually.” her voice sounded desperate and I wasn’t sure why. Was she really so worried about a school paper that she came all the way here? And who was talking about me. Before I could formulate an excuse, her voice sang out once more, “I baked some brownies! And I promise I won’t bore you for too long. Please?” 

“Sure, Alice. Uh, I’ll come up the door.” I hoped the defeat in my voice wasn’t evident to her. I made my way down the stairs as I pulled the door open for her. She stood in the light mist, wearing faded jeans and a Nirvana t-shirt, holding some books and a plate of brownies. Her face lit up as she smiled at me, looking me up and down. She seemed like she was trying to figure out what I had been doing when she called. I gestured for her to come in, and she gracefully bounded through the doorway. She walked straight into the living room and plopped herself down on the couch, setting the plate of brownies on the table. She opened the gray notebook she had brought with her, and laid a copy of a booklet filled with Shakespeare’s sonnets on the table. She looked up at me, waiting for me to join her. It all felt odd. She had invited herself in, and was waiting for me to join her in my own living room. Her confidence astounded me.

I sat in a chair across from Alice as she went on and on about Shakespeare’s sonnets. The teacher wanted them to find how each of them connected, despite them all being separate pieces. Alice was struggling to find a way to make them all fit since they seemed so different. 

“Actually, if you look at them, he uses a lot of nature metaphors and comparisons in most of them. I mean, ‘shall I compare thee to a summer’s day’ is a classic line, and right there he’s comparing the subject to nature. Shakespeare thought that nature was the ultimate sign of beauty. You know, natural beauty. It was all the rage back then.” Alice nodded as I explained my thoughts to her, though I had to admit they weren’t very original. It was what my Brit Lit teacher had told me, but I was certain it would get her a good grade on the paper. 

“Thanks Bella!” her voice sounded like a song. I had never met anyone before who seemed legitimately happy all the time. It was almost contagious. She went on to ask me more questions about each specific sonnet, and in that moment I wished I had kept track of my old notes. We talked about the sonnets until I was ready to explode. Shakespeare had never been my favorite thing to study, and he especially wasn’t now. I had been so certain tonight would be it, but the longer Alice stayed, the more I realized I didn’t want her to go. She sat quietly as I rambled on about how sexist Shakespeare’s portrayal of women was, and how no one ever focuses on the times when the pronouns for his lovers switch from she to he. Alice’s face held a content expression as if she was just as pleased with the company as I was. It wasn’t until I felt my stomach ache in hunger that I realized how much time had passed. 

“Whoa, it's already 8! I didn’t even realize we talked right through dinner.” I stood to my feet, trying to think of what I had in the fridge, certain she’d leave now. 

“How about I order us a pizza? I still have a few questions, and maybe we can just hang! I totally owe you, anyway. I’ll buy.” before I could accept, Alice had her phone out and was dialing the pizza place. “What kind of pizza do you like?” 

“Anything honestly.” Alice nodded and proceeded to order a large pizza with everything on it, some garlic knots and some cinnamon sticks. My eyes widened at the thought of such a small girl eating all of that, but I was fairly certain I could eat it all on my own at that point. 

I helped her finish up her paper as we waited for the food, and once all the food arrived we dug right in. For a moment, we sat in silence, both with our mouths full of food before Alice spoke. 

“How are you doing with everything? The move and your mom?” her voice was soft, like if she spoke too loudly I’d break. I sharply inhaled at the mention of my mom. Of course she knew. Everyone did at this point. There are no secrets in a small town. 

“I’m okay, I guess. I miss her. More than I thought possible. I missed her before she was even gone, so honestly I thought it would be easier by now. And Charlie - my dad - he’s trying. But he works a lot. And the kids at school are nice, but it’s hard for them to talk to me. I can tell. Not like I exactly try to talk to them. So..” my voice trailed off. Not sure why I shared so much. She was just being nice, she didn’t need me piling my life on her. 

“So, you’re alone a lot. And that’s hard. I hope you know that I meant what I said on that first day. You can talk to me whenever.” she smiled at me softly, making me truly believe what she said. She honestly seemed to want to make sure I was okay.

“Thanks. I just- I wouldn’t want to bother you with my stuff honestly. I’m fine really.” 

“It’s not a bother, really. I kind of know how you feel.” she took a long pause before continuing on, “I lost my family when I was very young. I don’t really remember them much, honestly. And then I went from place to place before Dr. Cullen and his wife found me.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize you were adopted. That’s great that you found a family though.” 

“Yeah, there are five of us actually. Me and Rose, and then the boys, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward. Technically Rosalie and Jasper are foster kids, but they are just as much a part of the family as the rest of us. It’s a unique family dynamic, I’m sure you’ve heard people talk.” she giggled, seemingly amused and what others might possibly be saying behind her back.

“I haven’t heard anyone talk about you guys. Though, to be fair I just might have not been listening.” 

“Well… We all came into the family at different times, except for Jasper and Rose because they are twins, but the rest of us came into the family at different ages. And over time, Rosalie and Emmett kind of fell for one another, and then me and Jasper…” she looked at me, waiting for my reaction. It seemed odd, to date someone you lived with, but at the same time, I could understand how being in close quarters with someone might forge a bond. 

“And your other brother, Edward? Why has he chosen to remain alone?” I joked with her, hoping to get across my lack of judgement to her, not wanting to ruin our budding friendship. 

“Ha! Edward is -- he’s not sure what he wants. I think he likes to torture himself honestly. Too busy brooding to be happy.” Alice erupted into melodic laughter, and I couldn’t help but join in. She asked me about boys from back home, and I had to inform her of my lack of stories there. I had never dated, and certainly wasn’t interested in anyone here. 

As the night grew darker, we had moved into showing each other our favorite clips from various movies the other person hadn’t seen, and asked the other to try to guess what the movie was about. The pizza and garlic knots were almost gone, and I was picking at my fourth brownie when Charlie walked through the door. He had a confused, but delighted smile on his face when he realized I had company. 

“Well look at you. Bells made a friend!” his voice broke into a low chuckle as he made his way into the kitchen, “Don’t let me bother you girls. It’s been a long night for me, so I’m off to bed. It’s about one in the morning though, and you got school tomorrow.” he stood with one had in his front pocket, not sure how much of his fatherly authority he wanted to lay down in that moment. He simply paused, waiting for me to offer the solution. 

“Alice, you can just stay here. I’d feel bad making you drive home.” Charlie and Alice both seemed satisfied with my decision. We quickly gathered our mess, and headed upstairs. I offered her a change of clothes and the first go in the bathroom. I changed while she got ready, and realized my email was still pulled up. I was certain she hadn’t seen it, but a panic set it as I went to delete it. My screen froze up, forcing a string of profanities to leave my mouth. Just as Alice made her way back to my room, I closed the email. 

“Everything okay?” she asked in a concerned voice. I spun around in my chair, informed her I was just checking my email, before heading into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Once we were both settled into bed, exhaustion fell over me. I hadn’t realized how tiring the night had been, and it wasn’t long until my eyes became too heavy to hold up. 

Alice’s POV

I wasn’t sure how to do this. I had never actively tried to stop a suicide before, and I wasn’t sure where to start. I had tried to interact with her at school, but she always seemed disinterested in my company. I didn’t want to invade her space, but tonight was the night I had seen that first day we met. I had been monitoring her future, and it hadn’t changed. I knew I had to do something, so I came up with a very unoriginal excuse of needing help with homework. It seemed like the human thing to do. Though, as a vampire I not only had taken this class a dozen times before, but I had met vampires who  _ knew _ Shakespeare. Nevertheless, it got me inside. 

When she opened the door, I could smell the adrenaline that rushed through her. I was fairly certain I had caught her in time, but I had my doubts. In my vision, I had seen her with pills, and that hadn’t changed. I had resolved to sit and listen for her heart to slow, but as the night went on, it stayed strong. I tried everything I could to make the vision change. I brought brownies and bought food. In all the movies, humans always seemed to be eating when they were sad, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. I ordered the garlic knots simply to amuse myself, and she seemed to enjoy those as well. Once her father came home, I saw it. Her future changed. A future I hadn’t considered. I saw flashes of the two of us at school, in her house, and then a flash of her standing next to Edward. I felt a pull there, on that vision. Something about Edward was the key for her. I had to introduce them. I had to be certain her future didn’t change back. 

Bella’s POV

I was gently woken from my coma like sleep by the smell of bacon and pancakes. I rolled over, only to be struck by the realization that there was someone next to be last night, but now her spot was vacant. I pushed myself out of bed, making my way to the smell, finding Alice standing in the kitchen, setting a plate on the table for me. 

“Morning! I figured you’d want food before we left, and I’ve been up so I thought, why not cook.” her voice was much too cheery for the morning in my opinion, but she made food, so the good outweighed the bad. I slumped into my chair, slathered my food in syrup, and began to eat. I couldn’t remember the last time someone made me pancakes. Alice wore a satisfied smile across her face and she sat down to join me. 

It didn’t take either of us long to get ready to head to school. I generally wore jeans and whatever t shirt was closest to me in my closet since a rain jacket hid it anyway. I loaned Alice a shirt so she wouldn’t have to wear the exact outfit she had worn the day before. She offered to drive us both to school, and I didnt see a reason to protest. The ride was fairly silent, but a comfortable silence. Paramore softly played in the background as we made our way through the light rain. She mentioned that the rain was going to pick up today and had thought my truck might not be up for the slick roads. I was still shocked at the amount she seemed to care for me, but I got the feeling she was just a very nice person in general. 

When we pulled into the parking lot, it was fairly full. She pulled into an empty spot next to a silver volvo, where I saw who I know understood were her siblings. Rosalie turned to face us, with a forced smile on her face. The rest of them seemed unbothered by my presents, until I got out of the car. 

Alice went down the line and introduced me to each of the boys. The one she was with, Jasper, looked as if he had just bitten his lip. His brows were pulled together and I could have sworn he was holding his breath. He had sandy blonde hair and had tanned skin and muscles that seemed like what you might get from working outside a lot. The biggest of the boys, Emmett smiled widely and offered a wave. He towered over the others and had dark brown hair. He was tanned like Jasper, but not quite as much, and his muscles definitely seemed like the kind he spent hours working on. The last one, Edward, wore an odd expression. It seemed like he was trying to figure out where he knew me from, or maybe he was just incredibly annoyed with Alice for bringing me into their group. I couldn’t quite tell. His hair was a reddish brown that sat in a mess of loose curls on his head. He was much more pale than his brothers, but he also had a muscular build. He was a little taller than Jasper, but seemed so much younger in the face. There was a softness to him, even with his less than happy expression. I tried not to stare too hard, but as I looked them all over, I realized that their eyes were all varying shades of golden brown. Edwards were the darkest, but they all seemed to be just a few shades off from one another, which stuck out to me simply because only two of them were related by blood. 

“I better head to class. Thanks for the ride, Alice.” I took the pause after the introductions as my way out. I wasn’t offended that none of them seemed to have anything to say to me, because honestly I wasn’t sure what to say to any of them either. Alice had been nice, coming to hangout with me, but I didn’t want to just insert myself into their group, especially since everyone was paired off but Edward. I was fine being alone, and I was ready to go back to that. 

Edwards POV

Alice had asked us to all wait for her in the parking lot. I wasn’t sure why she was doing all of this. She insisted on helping Isabella Swan, and I understood it to an extent, but what I didn’t understand was why we all had to suddenly be involved. She had called me last night, telling me she thought Bella needed a better group of friends, but I informed her that  _ we  _ shouldn’t be that group. Rose was right. We couldn’t risk our family’s safety by taking in a human. I respected Alice for wanting to help her, but there was a line. 

I had seen Bella around school before, just in passing. She always wore muted colors and had her head in a book or looked at her feet as she walked. Alice talked often about her visions of Bella becoming more and more depressed, and had even shared them with me. I felt for her situation, but I left the helping to Alice. I wasn’t about to stick my nose in human business, especially when the human didn’t really seem to want help. 

When Alice’s car pulled up next to us, we all braced ourselves in our own way. Jasper immediately held his breath, being the newest to our lifestyle. Rosalie tried her best to seem happy, and Emmett - Well Emmett just smiled. He didn’t mine Alice’s mission, and even said he had felt bad for Bella. It wasn’t that any of the rest of us lacked compassion, but Emmett was the most childlike of us all. He wore his feelings on his sleeve, unlike me. Who tried to forget the human emotions that plagued me. 

Bella got out of the car, and I immediately listened for her thoughts. I wanted to know what she thought of us. Thought of Alice. I hoped that Alice had been discrete, but I wasn’t sure what Bella might have picked up on. I waited, trying to find her voice, but there was nothing. I tried to tune the others out, thinking that their thoughts were simply too loud, but there was nothing. 

_ My visions changed, but I’m worried it will change back. We both know that one night isn’t going to save her. Play nice.  _ Alice’s voice practically screamed in my head. I nodded in her direction, but immediately turned my attention to Bella. Her long, brown hair was tucked behind one ear, the other side framed the side of her slim, slightly rounded face. She must have not spent much time outside in Phoenix because she was about as pale as I was. There wasn’t anything that particularly stood out about her features, but I couldn’t deny the natural beauty she held. 

I tried not to stare too intensely at the poor girl. She seemed incredibly uncomfortable, and quickly excused herself. The whole time she was walking away, I tried to catch something. Maybe her voice was quiet. Maybe I wasn’t listening hard enough, distracted by my own thoughts or Alice’s. Nonetheless, I couldn’t hear anything. 

“Wow. Way to play nice. None of you said anything! Thanks for the help you guys.” Alice’s voice dripped with sarcasm. She shot me a menacing glance.  _ What’s your problem?  _

“I couldn’t hear her thoughts.” I said flatly. Still confused by what had just happened.  _ You didn’t hear anything? Like nothing at all? Are you sure?  _ Alice paused, wondering if I was joking. 

“Maybe she wasn’t thinking about anything.” Emmett said out loud, causing all eyes to turn on him.  _ Idiot.  _ Rosalie thought to herself. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.  _ Is he serious? _ Alice asked me.  _ Dear lord  _ Jasper moaned. 

“Emmett. That’s not how that works. You can’t just not think. You’re always thinking about something, even if you aren’t actively trying to.” I tried my best to not let the implied  _ idiot _ slip through my explanation. No one but Alice could truly begin to understand how my gift worked, so I understood his confusion. It was still amusing. 

I now had a mission, not too much different from Alice’s. I needed to figure out what was going on with Bella. I had to know why I couldn’t read her mind, so I decided I’d try to, from a distance, listen to those around her and see if I could pick up on something. Some people’s voices were soft and didn’t break through the louder ones. I also didn’t know her well, so that would also make it hard to hear. No matter the reason, I wanted to figure it out. I wanted to know more about her. 

Bella’s POV

The day passed like every other, until lunch. As I was in line getting food, Alice practically materialized next to me. I was lucky I didn’t jump out of my skin. 

“Sit with us?” she asked, though she was practically pulling me towards her family’s table. I supposed sitting in silence at a different table couldn’t really hurt. When I walked past my usual group, I could feel their eyes following me to the Cullen’s table. Alice sat next to Jasper and gestured for me to sit in the open seat next to Edward. The only seat left. As I took my seat, I saw Edward shift slightly away from me out of the corner of my eye. I took a quick scan of all of their faces, trying to see if I had imagined their eyes all being so similar. I hadn’t. 

“How’s everyone's day going?” Alice started up the conversation. A low chuckle left Edward’s lips, though I wasn’t sure what he was laughing at. Alice shot a glare in his direction that caused him to sit up slightly in his seat. 

“Pretty good.” I decided to speak up first, not wanting to seem rude. “Just normal stuff I guess. Trying to remember if I have my old paper on Chaucer from last year so I don’t have to write a new one.” 

“How are you settling in? Are you liking Forks?” Edward’s voice was low, so low it seemed as if he were whispering. I sat there for a moment before I realized he was waiting for my response. His voice caught me off guard. It was deep and melodic, but there was something about how he looked at me when he spoke, like he wasn’t sure if I would hear him. His jaw was clenched, and his face held a puzzled look. I couldn’t deny how handsome he was, but tried to focus on his words and nothing more. 

“I like it fine, I guess. It’s basically the same as it was when I was a kid. Just weird to be back here. Weird to be in the rain all of the time.” 

“You don’t like the rain.” he wasn’t asking. He reiterated my statement back to me as if to verify it. I nodded back, not sure what else to say. Edward shifted in his seat, and looked to his siblings, waiting for someone else to speak I supposed. 

“Forks isn’t all bad. There isn’t a ton to do around here, but it's kind of a make your own adventure. Lots of places to hike and play ball.” Emmett’s voice was gruff but kind. Rosalie smiled when he spoke and placed her hand on his. I had thought the whole dating foster siblings thing would be weird, but they seemed to really care for one another. It was clear even in such a small action. 

“You guys play sports a lot?” I asked Emmett. I should have guessed that hiking and general outside activities would be his type of thing. 

“Oh yeah. Especially baseball. Like I said, not much to do, but there's a whole lot of woods to explore.”

“Aren’t there like, bears and stuff in the woods? I’d be too scared to spend much time out there.” apparently my comment was amusing because each of them broke into quiet laughter. I obviously missed the joke. “What? Are bears not scary here or something?” 

“It’s just a very city thing to say.” Edward was still chuckling to himself. “How much time did you spend here as a child?”

“Some Christmases when I was little. Every summer until I was a teenager and got tired of it. I didn’t like going back and forth and then my mom got sick and died so.” Edward immediately looked down at his hands. I realized I had come across a little harshly considering he had only been joking around before about the bears. Maybe I was more city than I realized, but I was embarrassed to have the whole table laugh at me. 

“I’m sorry. I heard about your mother. That must have been very hard for you.” Edward’s eyes were locked on mine. I felt my breath hitch in my throat. His voice was soft and kind. He seemed genuinely concerned that he had struck a nerve. 

“It’s fine. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just a blunt person.” I let out a small laugh, remembering how much my mom used to tell being blunt was just a nicer way of saying I was being rude. She wasn’t wrong. 

“Blunt is good. Just means you’re honest.” Edward smiled a crooked smile at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. I felt a wash of comfort as I looked into his face. He didn’t seem to mind my little snap, and neither did the rest of them. I remember that they had all lost their parents somehow, so maybe they were just the people to say that kind of thing to. 

The bell sounded, signaling the end of lunch. I wrapped up my untouched sandwich so I could sneak it into my next class and got up from the table. I looked over to see Jessica’s eyes locked on me, undoubtedly waiting to hear every detail. I turned to say goodbye to the Cullens, and Edward was looking at Jessica, trying hard to hide a smile. Maybe he liked Jessica, and was wanting to talk to me to get to her. I couldn’t think of a better reason for him to have taken an interest in me. Other than to be nice to Alice. 

“I’ll meet you outside your last class, okay.” Alice rested her small hand on my shoulder and flashed a sweet smile. I couldn’t help but feel we were already close friends despite the fact that I didn’t generally make friends quickly. But I already felt a sense of comfort around her, especially now. I nodded in agreement and headed off to class. 

The minute I walked into Biology, Jessica was waiting to pounce. She wasn’t even in the class with me, but I guess she couldn’t wait to hear about my lunch with the Cullens. 

“So  _ what  _ is up?” her voice was eager. 

“What do you mean?” I wasn’t sure what part she was most interested in, the fact that I sat with the family or the fact that, from an outside perspective, it looked like I was there to be with Edward. 

“The Cullens? You sat with them! How did that happen?” she sounded annoyed that I didn’t just start from the beginning like she would have. 

“Oh uh, Alice came over last night to work on homework and it got late so she slept over and then she invited me to eat lunch with them. Nothing crazy.”

“She came to your house? And spent the night? I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Cullens talk to anyone else since they moved here. I mean, they just all seem so shy, I didn’t think they’d ever ask someone to sit with them.” Jessica was breathless as she worked through the mystery of the Cullens in her mind. 

“She’s really nice.” I defended, not liking Jessica’s implication that the Cullens were too rude to talk to anyone. Someone like Jessica didn’t realize how hard it was to lose a parents, and they had each lost both of theirs. It changes you. It certainly changed me. 

“Oh I mean, yeah. I didn’t think she was mean or anything. Just odd.” Jessica backed off a little. This was the most we had ever spoken, and I think she understood I was equally as weirded out by Alice’s sudden interest in me. “One more question though, were my eyes deceiving me or was Edward Cullen like, making eyes at you the whole time?” 

“I can wholeheartedly tell you you’re wrong there.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, “He asked me how I liked Forks and that was pretty much it.” I decided to leave out the dead mom talk of it all. 

“Are you  _ sure  _ because he hardly took his eyes off of you. God, isn’t he beautiful?” Jessica leaned in and whispered as Mr. Banner walked in. 

“I highly doubt that, Jessica.” I began to take my seat, hoping she’d take that as a signal that the conversation had run its course. 

“You do think he’s cute! You’re totally blushing.” she gushed louder than I would have liked her to, causing my cheeks to flush more. 

“I’m not blind, okay. Yeah he’s pretty, but he was just being nice. I can promise you.” I whispered, hoping it was quiet enough that even Jessica might have trouble hearing me. Mr. Banner directed her to head to class, and she giggled as she ran from the room, leaving me behind red faced and a little annoyed.

Edward’s POV

Alice had prepped us all for our lunch time guest, informing us that we must all be  _ nice and normal _ as she put it. I looked forward to the opportunity to try and hear the girl’s thoughts, but I still wasn’t sure bringing her into our circle was the best idea. Alice acted out of compassion, but it seemed odd that she was so fixated on one human. We all imparted our own justice or sacrifice for the humans in our own way, but this almost seemed personal to her. There had to be countless students struggling in some way, so why was Alice so set on this one girl? 

Not that I could say much. All morning, my thoughts were consumed of Bella. I tried to listen for her voice, but it never came. I had never experienced anything like it, and I began to worry about my gift. Was something wrong with me? Was something wrong with her? Emmett had to draw me out of my haze a few times, continually teasing me for my mission of uncovering the Swan girl’s secret. I was not used to being closed off from people, not in this way. 

We all waited for Alice, each picking at the food in front of us. Eating was more of a chore than anything. We were able to eat like the humans, since the blood we consumed allowed our bodies to run fairly normally, but it did not do much for us in the way of our particular kind of hunger. It distracted from it slightly, but only for a moment. 

I looked up from my sandwich just as I heard Alice dragging the poor girl across the cafeteria. Bella looked rather uninterested in the prospect of sitting with us, but her friends were deeply confused. 

_ What the hell? Now she’s sitting with them?  _ Jessica couldn’t understand why Alice had taken such a liking to Bella, as Bella didn’t seem particularly interested in becoming friends with anyone. 

_ Oh that’s nice. I wonder how they know each other. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bella talk to the Cullens.  _ Angela was always a very nice girl. 

_ The Cullens? You’ve got to be kidding. One new girl shows up for the first time in forever and the Cullens take her? I mean… I was just getting up the courage to talk to her. She just seems so sad, I didn’t want to bug her, but now she’s going to go sit next to Edward… Damn.  _ Mike was apparently annoyed at the thought that Bella might be interested in me, and that bothered me slightly. I had never noticed him thinking much of her before. He seemed like a passing acquaintance to me. I suppose that is how it goes though… Not knowing what you  _ might have had  _ until it's gone. 

When Alice took her seat next to Jasper, the only open one left was next to me. As she sat, I shifted slightly away, not wanting to be right next to her. No matter how old a vampire is, a human’s blood is always tempting, especially when you keep the kind of diet we do. I focused in on trying to get something from her. Anything. A whisper. An image even. Nothing. 

“How’s everyone's day going?” Alice started up the conversation. 

_ Edward has been stalking you, but other than that pretty normal.  _ Emmett thought to himself. I couldn’t stop the low chuckle that escaped my lips, hoping she wouldn’t catch it. Alice turned to glare at me.  _ Stop! Don’t make her feel like she’s not wanted.  _ I sat up slightly in my seat. 

“Pretty good.” Bella’s voice was soft, but determined, as if it took a lot for her to simply speak. “Just normal stuff I guess. Trying to remember if I have my old paper on Chaucer from last year so I don’t have to write a new one.” 

“How are you settling in? Are you liking Forks?” as the words left my lips, I realized how low I was speaking. I was used to holding more private conversations at lunch with my family, and I forgot to adjust myself in her presence. Bella’s heart sped up slightly and her eyes widened. Had I frightened her? I began to worry this girl somehow saw right through the facade my family and myself had created. Had Alice been careless? What was she thinking? I wished her voice would show itself, but I knew it wouldn’t. I couldn’t quite read her eyes either. Their deep brown revealed nothing to me. 

“I like it fine, I guess. It’s basically the same as it was when I was a kid. Just weird to be back here. Weird to be in the rain all of the time.” 

“You don’t like the rain.” I said flatly. The distaste in her voice was evident. Her head nodded in response, which bothered me. How was I supposed to interact with her? It had been over 100 years since I had had to interact with something without knowing their inner thoughts. I’d forgotten how to. I shifted slightly, turning to my family for help.

_ Oh shit, I got you man.  _ Emmett caught onto my call for help. “Forks isn’t all bad. There isn’t a ton to do around here, but it's kind of a make your own adventure. Lots of places to hike and play ball.” I was glad that Emmett was the one to speak up. Besides Alice, he was the one most likely to not make Bella feel so uncomfortable. Rosalie was adamantly against helping a human this closely, but she appreciated the kindness she saw in Emmett. 

“You guys play sports a lot?” Bella didn’t seem surprised at all. I supposed we all looked like athletes, despite us all having gained our physiques for different reasons many years ago. 

“Oh yeah. Especially baseball. Like I said, not much to do, but there's a whole lot of woods to explore.”

“Aren’t there like, bears and stuff in the woods? I’d be too scared to spend much time out there.” each of us laughed slightly at her comment. The animals were the ones who had to worry about us, and each of us forgot that others didn’t think that way. Bella’s face turned slightly sour, not sure what she had missed. “What? Are bears not scary here or something?” 

“It’s just a very city thing to say.” I tried to suppress my laughter, but I couldn’t get over the idea of a bear frightening me. “How much time did you spend here as a child?”

“Some Christmases when I was little. Every summer until I was a teenager and got tired of it. I didn’t like going back and forth and then my mom got sick and died so.” her voice stung. I realized then I had struck a nerve. I hadn’t thought that my private joke would cause her to feel out of place. I couldn’t even bear to look at her knowing I had contributed to the pain she currently felt. I had seen Alice’s visions of the girl. I knew her pain more than she realized, so my slip up made my cold heart ache. How could I forget what she was going through? 

_ Way to go.  _ Rosalie’s smug voice sounded in my head. 

“I’m sorry. I heard about your mother. That must have been very hard for you.” I tried to make my sympathy known as I looked into her eyes. 

“It’s fine. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just a blunt person.” Bella laughed lightly as she spoke, trying to brush past her hurt feelings I suppose. 

“Blunt is good. Just means you’re honest.” I encouraged. Blunt meant she was speaking her mind. Blunt meant I was one step closer to getting to know her thoughts. I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of uncovering her mind, and as she smiled back, I felt a wash of warmth come over me. She was truly an intriguing human. 

When the bell sounded, we all began to gather our things for class. Bella made her way out of the cafeteria rather quickly.  _ I’m going to bring her back to the house with us, since I drove her. I was thinking some time away from the house could be good for her.  _ I nodded to Alice, confirming that I heard her plan. 

“She won’t stay the night, will she?” I asked, wondering what that would look like. Would Alice pretend to sleep as well? Would we all have to, in case she awoke in the night and found each of us performing odd tasks to pass the time? 

“No, I wouldn’t go that far. A whole night with  _ that many  _ vampires seems like a disaster waiting to happen.” I found myself disappointed with her answer, wanting more time with the girl. Why? I seriously needed to get over that. She wasn’t for me to study. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to know her more. Was it because she was so perfectly human? Was it because I knew the pain she was feeling, and the good part of me wanted to help her? Whatever the reason, deep down I knew I shouldn’t be the one to comfort her. 

Bella’s POV

Alice waited for me, like she said she would, after my last class. She asked if I wanted to hangout at her house for a little before she brought me back to my house, and I eagerly agreed. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been invited over to hangout at a friends house, and I quickly grew to enjoy Alice’s company. She was kind and seemed genuinely interested in being my friend, and though I did not understand it, I decided not to question it. 

For the first time since my mom got sick, I began to feel whole again. For brief moments, I could forget about the aching in my heart and be myself again. Maybe it was because Alice was the first person who allowed me to simply be and wasn’t constantly questioning how I was or making me feel like I was being studied. She was a friend. A friend I needed badly. 

…..

The Cullen’s house was mesmerizing. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, besides in magazines. It had an overall modern feel, with its large windows and clean styling. It rested in a patch of woods that made it impossible to see from the road, giving it a calming atmosphere. It was as if they had their own little world.

Alice led me through the large wooden front doors into their home. There was a large staircase surrounded by several adjoining rooms. To the left, I saw Emmett and Rosalie sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels. Emmett waved in our direction, but Rosalie did not flitch, as if she hadn’t even noticed us. Alice walked through the house and led me into the kitchen where her parents sat. 

“Esme, Carlisle, this is Bella!” Alice said cheerfully. 

“It’s so nice to meet you, Bella! We’ve heard so much about you.” Esme walked around the counter to greet me with a tight hug. I was a little taken aback by her gesture, being the more keep to myself kind of person, but her warmth and kindness poured out of her that I immediately made me feel at ease. She had deep brown hair that framed her heart shaped face perfectly and complimented her light skin. She was not as pale as Alice and Edward, but she had the complexion of someone who did not go out too much. Carlisle greeted me as well with a simple hello. He too had a warm and welcoming smile. He had golden blonde hair and tanned skin. He seemed too young to have so many children, maybe in his 30’s, but I supposed when you foster and adopt it generally works that way. “How are you settling in?” Esme asked. 

“Pretty good! I think. Just trying to keep up with classes.” not that I was struggling. I was just having to keep myself from lying in bed all day, but I wasn’t going to share that. 

“Wonderful! Well, if you girls get hungry just let me know. We all generally eat at our own times around here, but I’d be happy to make you some food.” Esme’s nurturing tone made my heart ache. How long had it been since my mother had made me food? I couldn’t even remember the last dish she’d made, and not just because she was a horrible cook. Esme made the ache for my mother ring through my entire body, but I didn’t want to run. I wanted to fling my arms around her and cry. I wanted so badly to pretend she was my mother too, for a moment. I could almost feel my heart cracking in my chest. I wanted nothing more in that moment to retreat. I wanted to go home. And not Charlie’s house. Not Forks. Home. 

“Come on, I’ll show you my room.” Alice pulled on my arm to lead me upstairs. She wore a concerned look. Did my face show how Esme had made me feel? Had I really been that obvious? Maybe I could fake a stomach ache and get her to take me to Charlie’s. I wanted to be alone. The happiness of having a friend for the first time in so long meant nothing to me now. I couldn’t do this. I wanted to be alone. 

Alice led me down a long hallway until we reached a room with maroon beads hanging from the doorframe. When she pushed them aside, I saw Jasper sitting on the bed, reading a large book. They shared a room. Makes sense, but it made me feel like I was intruding. The whole dating foster siblings thing was odd, but I didn’t want to offend Alice by asking too much about that. Alice made her way to the desk that sat in the corner of the room and sat on the chair that was next to it. Their room was very bohemian feeling, with colorful tapestries on the walls and muted, earthy tones. On either side of the bed were two large bookshelves that were crammed with more books than I’d ever seen outside a library. As I looked around, the weight on my chest grew heavier. This was  _ their  _ space. I shouldn’t be here. Jasper probably didn’t want us to take over his room and send him away. I certainly didn’t want that. I should leave. 

“You alright, Bella?” Jasper had laid his book down and he was now studying my face. I tried to keep my expression neutral, but I felt as if I was suffocating. No matter how deeply I breathed, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to go  _ home.  _

It was stupid for me to get so worked up over something as small as this. Feeling out of place. Missing my mother a little more than usual. These were things that came and went, but in this moment, they wouldn’t go. I couldn’t shake them. The exhaustion that accompanied the difficulty breathing washed over me. I needed to play it cool until I could go home. I didn’t want to draw attention to my anxiety attack, because this was definitely growing into one. 

“Bella, you look faint. Maybe you should sit down.” Jasper was moving towards me as he spoke, and my breath caught in my throat as I flinched away. I wasn’t afraid of him, but the thought of someone even resting their hand on my arm made me want to scream. Jasper’s brows pulled together, like he could feel what I did. I shook my head, trying to find the words.

“I’m fine.” I exhaled. “Just… Just thinking about my mom.” I’m not sure why I said that. I didn’t want to draw attention to what was going on, but a sudden feeling of safety wrapped around me. I knew I could tell them what I was thinking, and they would understand. But why? What was it about them that made me feel like it was okay for me to be a little broken? 

“Tell me about her.” Jasper was sitting on the edge of the bed closest to me now, and Alice moved her chair closer to him so that I could look at both of them easily. They both wore kind faces, waiting for me to speak. I looked down at my feet, not sure how honest I should be. 

“She is-- she was just, the most genuine person I’ve ever known. Her laugh made you want to laugh. She could convince me to try anything. She brought me out of my shell and made me feel like the only thing that mattered in the world was that I was happy with who I was. She made life easy. Life was better when she was around. Now everything is just. Dark.” the ache in my chest screamed. I could feel myself suffocating on the memories, unable to pull myself out.

“We all go through dark patches in our life. Sometimes the night seems unending, but the sun always rises eventually.” Jasper’s voice calmed my breathing and settled my mind. I focused on his words.  _ The sun always rises.  _ I suppose I should give the sun a chance before forcing it to set forever. Though the desire to do so was fading, in this moment it echoed in my chest. 

“Thanks, Jasper.” I forced a small smile across my lips, hoping he’d realize I meant it. Expressing it was just difficult. I was deeply embarrassed for letting myself get so overwhelmed like that, and even more embarrassed they had caught on. I didn’t enjoy being vulnerable with anyone, especially people I didn’t know that well. 

“We’ve all lost people.” Alice spoke up. “We all know how you’re feeling. Edward lost his mother to illness as well.” Alice’s eyes drifted to the doorway. I turned to see Edward leaning against the doorframe with a pained look on his face. Maybe he missed his mother too. 

“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.” his voice held a hint of humor, but his face still held a serious expression. “Are you alright?” he glanced at my face for a moment before his eyes wandered to his shoes, like mine had done when Jasper had spoken to me. I simply nodded in response, desperately wanting the conversation surrounding my well-being to come to an end. As if on cue, my phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and saw that Charlie was calling me. He must have come home to an empty house with my truck still parked outside and worried I’d wandered too far from the house and gotten lost. 

“Hey, Dad! Sorry I’m with Alice I should have told you.” the words rushed out of my mouth.

“Oh, no that’s okay Bells. I just wanted to be sure you were okay."

“Yeah I’m fine. I’ll actually be home soon, okay.” I knew he wouldn’t ask me to come home. He was probably happy I’d made a friend, but I needed to go home. I needed to get away from the golden eyes watching me. Maybe a night in with Charlie would be good. 

“No need to rush on my account.”

“No rush! I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon, then.” I glanced in Alice’s direction as I put my phone away, and she was already to her feet. I turned to leave, and saw Edward making his way to a room at the end of the hall. When he opened the door, I saw the floor to ceiling bookshelves that covered the wall on one side. He paused before closing the door behind him. I was curious as to what the rest of his room looked like, but I doubted I would ever see it. Edward didn’t seem particularly interested in befriending me. 

Alice drove me home, chatting the whole way. We talked about classes and people from school. The conversation was light, as if my breakdown hadn’t happened. Being with Alice felt good again. I guess I hadn’t considered how much being around someone’s mom could hurt me. Especially one who reminded me so much of mine. But with Alice, it felt as if all I needed was to hear her laugh, and I knew I’d be okay, because I wasn’t quite so alone anymore. I had someone to walk through my patch of darkness with me. 


	2. The Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not really breaking this down in chapters on purpose, this is just how the site has me do it. I hope you guys like the changes I made to the car crash scene! More to come soon.

When I opened the front door, I could hear Charlie watching something on TV. It sounded like something sports related, but I couldn’t tell you what. As I wanted into the room, he shifted in his chair to greet me. 

“Hey kiddo, how was your day?” his voice rang out in a happy tune, like he hadn’t seen me in days. I suppose it felt like that, since we pretty much ran on two different schedules. My heart warmed at the thought of him waiting for me to get home, hoping to see me. I had tried so hard not to avoid him. Not to close him off, but it was hard. He was one of the things that made me want to keep on going. He made me feel safe and warm, and reminded me that if I were to give into all the thoughts I’ve had, I’d only be hurting him. 

“It was pretty good. How about you, Dad? How was work?” 

“Same old same old. Just happy to keep busy, I guess.” he paused, trying to assess my mood. I’m sure he wanted to spend more time with me, but was never sure how to ask. He knew I was hurting, but neither of us were good at expressing emotion. Being vulnerable scared him just as much as it scared me. “You turning in?” his voice sounded somewhat hopeful that I wouldn’t.

“Actually, I’m not really tired. Mind if I watch with you?” I walked over to the couch and took a seat closest to his chair. A wide smile spread across his face, causing the small wrinkles next to his eyes to show. 

“Of course.” he fumbled with the controller pulling up the menu. “I actually recorded this for you. Figured you’d like it.” I looked at the screen as he pulled up  _ Pride and Prejudice  _ and hit play. I could feel my eyes welling up a bit. He had obviously recorded it a couple of months ago, the date displayed on his DVR had given him away. He had been waiting for me. Just happy to have me back. Ready when I was to watch it. The thought of him searching for movies that he knew I would like made the tears try to push through, but I fought them back. There was no need. Not right now. Right now, I was safe. 

\--

I felt refreshed as my feet hit the floor. It was Friday, and that meant I was about to have the whole weekend to recharge. I was a little ashamed at how closed off I had been, but I was determined to try harder next week. I’d spend more time with Charlie, reach out to Alice, maybe even spend some time with Jessica and Angela. They had been nice to me when I first got to school. It wasn’t their fault that I made it hard to interact with me. I wanted to pull myself out of the darkness, and I felt like it was beginning to work. 

I felt so good that I actually got to school a bit early. Everything had frosted overnight, and I knew I’d need that extra time to get my truck across the roads, though the roads hadn’t seemed nearly as bad as I thought they’d be. As I put my car in park, I was the Cullens standing across the lot around their car. Alice looked in my direction, but was in a serious looking conversation with Edward. As I got out of the warmth of my car, I saw something shiny on my tire. Charlie had put snow chains on, that is why the drive wasn’t so bad. My heart warmed again, realizing how much he cared for me. I paused for a moment, trying so hard to hold onto that feeling. These were the things I needed to focus on, not the hole in my chest. 

That’s when it all happened. The moment I had basically wished for was barreling towards me, only now it wasn’t what I wanted. I looked up to see Tyler’s van skidding across a patch of ice, coming for me. The way the van was positioned, it was going to smash up against the side of my truck, pinning me between the two. Killing me. I just stood there as it happened, thinking of how ironic it was that now that I didn’t want to die, it looked as though I would. 

That’s when something hard hit me from the side. But the wrong side. It wasn’t the van. Something cold was wrapped around my waist, but all I could see was black. My face was buried in something, but I couldn’t tell what it was. Suddenly, my body was released and I fell onto the pavement, though I was only about a foot above it. I looked up to see Edward bracing himself for the van that was now coming for us both. He had knocked me out of the way and laid me on the ground. My face had been buried in his chest, which was why I hadn’t seen anything. I wanted to ask him what the hell he was doing. Now we’d both die, but as the van crashed into him, it bounced off his shoulder, creating a dent and leaving us between the two cars. 

“Bella, are you alright?” his voice was shaking, but he didn’t move towards me. In fact, he inched away from me slightly. “Are you hurt?” his voice was low and almost sounded like he knew the answer. I sat up and saw that my hands were bloody. I had scrapped them on the pavement in my landing, but it seemed to be the only injury I had, until I felt something warm run down my cheek. “Oh Bella, your face.” Edward started to reach his hand out to me, but pulled it back. I touched my hand to the cut, not wanting to see the blood. I felt something hard, and pulled a small piece of glass from my face. That’s when everything went black. 

\--

My eyes felt heavy, but there was a persistent beeping that had awoken me. I had hoped it would just stop, but when it didn’t I forced my eyes open. Everything around me was white and clean. I looked to my left and saw monitors and scanned back to my right and saw the empty bed next to me. I was in the hospital. 

The curtain on my left was pulled open as Alice came to my side. 

“Bella! Are you okay?” her voice was frantic as she looked me over. 

“Yeah, I think so. Why am I in the hospital?” I pushed to sit myself up more and felt a stabbing pain in my arm. There was an IV and as I winced, the movement in my face hurt my cheek. The memory of the car crash flashed through my mind. Edward had saved me. Where was he? “Where is Edward? Is he okay? He had to have broken his shoulder for sure.” the words raced from my mouth as I looked around the room again. Alice had opened the curtain when she came in so I could see slightly more than before. I looked back at Alice and her eyes were wide with shock. “What? Did something happen to him? Alice!” 

“He’s fine, Bella. Sorry, we just weren’t sure how much you’d remember.” her voice was slow, like she wasn’t sure how much I could process. 

“Why? And where is he? How is he not hurt and I’m here in a hospital bed?”

“You hit your head pretty hard Bella. And you passed out. They did some scans and so far everything seems okay, but you’ve been out for awhile.” as was speaking, Edward came through the curtain. He had a pained expression on his face as his eyes met mine. 

“You okay?” his voice sounded hoarse, as if he had been screaming for a couple of hours. I looked him over, but I couldn’t see anything wrong with him. There wasn’t a scratch on him. How was that possible? How did he even get to me? How did he stop the van? 

“I feel fine. My face just hurts and I’d love to get this needle out of my arm.” I winced again at the mere thought of the IV, and the pain in my face screamed out. 

“When the windows in the van shattered they cut your face. Carlisle said it isn’t terrible, but he did have to glue it closed a little, so you’ll have to be careful.” Edward stepped closer to me, looking me over as Alice had when she first came in. I wondered how bad I looked with my face cut up, sitting in a hospital gown. 

“Are you okay? How are you even walking around and I’m strapped into all these machines?” 

“I’m fine. No damage done here.” Edward laughed but I couldn’t find the humor in what he said. It was impossible. 

“How? The van hit your shoulder. I watched it happen.” I spoke slowly, suddenly feeling like I was going a little crazy, but I know what I saw. Why wasn’t he hurt? 

“Bella, you hit your head. The van didn’t touch me. It didn’t touch either of us. I knocked you out of the way, but the van missed us both. Luckily it only hit the back of the truck, where you had originally been standing. You’re welcome, by the way.” 

“Thank you.” I looked into Edwards eyes, trying to figure out what he wasn’t telling me. Maybe he didn’t want me to worry, so he was lying about how bad he was hurt. But, he didn’t look hurt. And why would he lie? He didn’t care about me enough to lie. “How did you even get over to me? You were across the lot.” Edward's expression grew hard and his brows furrowed together. I watched as his chest swelled as he took a deep breath before looking into my eyes again. 

“I was standing right next to you, Bella.” he said flatly. “Are you sure you feel okay?” 

“Yes. I feel fine.” I couldn’t believe he was lying to me. I know what I saw. He was nowhere near me. He was talking with Alice by his car, and now he was lying about it. But how did he get to me? 


End file.
